much of my life is conditional.

Tonight as I was driving home, after having dinner at a friend’s house, I realized that so much of my life is conditional.



It’s not something that I have ever really thought about before. After having a somewhat rough day that seemed to improve after a good meal and good company (which is where I was driving from) I realized that my happiness may be somewhat based on my conditions. It’s not until we have a need that needs filling, that we realize we were ever really needing in the first place. As long as I get my way, or things go my way, I am a happy and content person.

For example:

I enjoy michigan, as long as the winter’s are manageable.



I enjoy my dog, as long as she is being tolerable and not overly obnoxious.



(This next one may seem harsh, but I think it’s much closer to reality for most of us…if we’re honest.)

I enjoy my friends, as long as they are doing what I want them to (listening, talking, doing…what I want them to.)



It was in this moment as I was driving home that I recognized this habit that I have somehow found acceptable. I think if we’re all honest, we all have this in areas of our lives. Some days are more intense than others. I know, in my own life, that there are some days that I can ‘tolerate’ things better. (And I am not saying that this attitude is okay either.) The deeper I look inside myself, the more I realize that I am a person just like everyone else who needs other peoples patience in these moments. And even in these moments where my friendship, or relationship in general, has conditions I realize how much I am in need of these things in my life to change me for the better.

I have decided that it would be better for me to be a little irritated or put off, than to live life alone. As easy as it would be for me to think that solitude could be better, I wouldn’t gain a thing. It’s easy to be patient when nothing is testing your patience, and it is easy to enjoy your surroundings when nothing is changing, and it is easy to enjoy your dog when the dog is merely a stuffed animal on your bed.



If only everyday was as educational as today, life would be so easy.